Thinking about where we were a year ago has become surreal. I
honestly can’t believe that a year ago we were preparing to execute the
fundraisers we had spent months planning. I struggle to understand how we each
got through every day. I realize now, looking back, just how amazing the human
mind is and how it builds barriers to keep you strong in the moment. I see many
of my memories from a year ago as though I am looking into a snow globe. I see
the scenes, I see myself there, I remember the conversations that were taking
place, but they all feel like they happened to someone else. Then there are
other flashes of remembering where all I can remember is the feeling I had in
that moment. Whether, I was scared, or hurt, or angry, or even happy. I can’t
always remember what created those feelings, but I can remember knowing that I
was still feeling; that I wasn’t as numb as my mind wants me to believe. I can
barely recall how busy we all were, but I know that we must have been. I only
know that my children were fed and made it to everything because of my husband.
I know I was at their games and I was at planning meetings, and there are
pictures in my phone of some of the things that we did together, but I do not
recall them. I know that my experience is entirely unique to me, even though we
were all so closely tied to each other as we went through each day together. I
know that I didn’t thank everyone enough, or in the right way. I know that as
people gave their time to be there for Alicia and Chris and all of the rest of
us I didn’t tell them how much it meant. I didn’t think beyond their presence
to thank them for the support, or to thank their families for allowing them to
be there to support us. This weekend, I will try to remember the dinner and
auction night. I will try to recall how much fun everyone had, and how
overwhelming the feeling of being uplifted was. And over the next week I will
think back on the golf tournament, and how people we have known our whole lives
and relative strangers were all there for much more than golf. I am sure that
next weekend I will likely give a moment of thought to the sensation I had when
I knew Alicia had passed, the lights flicked, and I picked up my phone, I was
going to dial Chris when it rang with his number calling me. He didn’t have to
say anything, I already knew, but he just said, “it’s over”. And it was, the
battle, the pain, the in-between, it was over. But the love and support and
kindness was only just beginning. So whether you followed this blog and this
story because you knew Alicia well, or you just heard her story and wanted to
stay up-to-date, your support, your love, your generosity and kindness, your
prayers and kind words, they were all felt
Thank you all. Again.
honestly can’t believe that a year ago we were preparing to execute the
fundraisers we had spent months planning. I struggle to understand how we each
got through every day. I realize now, looking back, just how amazing the human
mind is and how it builds barriers to keep you strong in the moment. I see many
of my memories from a year ago as though I am looking into a snow globe. I see
the scenes, I see myself there, I remember the conversations that were taking
place, but they all feel like they happened to someone else. Then there are
other flashes of remembering where all I can remember is the feeling I had in
that moment. Whether, I was scared, or hurt, or angry, or even happy. I can’t
always remember what created those feelings, but I can remember knowing that I
was still feeling; that I wasn’t as numb as my mind wants me to believe. I can
barely recall how busy we all were, but I know that we must have been. I only
know that my children were fed and made it to everything because of my husband.
I know I was at their games and I was at planning meetings, and there are
pictures in my phone of some of the things that we did together, but I do not
recall them. I know that my experience is entirely unique to me, even though we
were all so closely tied to each other as we went through each day together. I
know that I didn’t thank everyone enough, or in the right way. I know that as
people gave their time to be there for Alicia and Chris and all of the rest of
us I didn’t tell them how much it meant. I didn’t think beyond their presence
to thank them for the support, or to thank their families for allowing them to
be there to support us. This weekend, I will try to remember the dinner and
auction night. I will try to recall how much fun everyone had, and how
overwhelming the feeling of being uplifted was. And over the next week I will
think back on the golf tournament, and how people we have known our whole lives
and relative strangers were all there for much more than golf. I am sure that
next weekend I will likely give a moment of thought to the sensation I had when
I knew Alicia had passed, the lights flicked, and I picked up my phone, I was
going to dial Chris when it rang with his number calling me. He didn’t have to
say anything, I already knew, but he just said, “it’s over”. And it was, the
battle, the pain, the in-between, it was over. But the love and support and
kindness was only just beginning. So whether you followed this blog and this
story because you knew Alicia well, or you just heard her story and wanted to
stay up-to-date, your support, your love, your generosity and kindness, your
prayers and kind words, they were all felt
Thank you all. Again.